I think I have been lacking music in my life lately. Or I’m just listening to it at good times. I remember crying through this song the first time I heard it because I realized how deeply the chorus resonated with me.

My heart had several kick-starts before I really broke through a lot of sin in my life and began the road that has brought me to where I am right now. One of those kick-starts was reading Francis Chan’s “Crazy Love” and allowing his final question in the book to knock the wind out of me. He went through several stories of people around the world who are giving themselves completely to loving others out of the outflow of their love for God. Chan asked the question (paraphrased): When you get to heaven, what will be said about you? I didn’t have to spend much time thinking about my answer. It was immediately, “she almost made it, she was so close to fully surrendering her life to Christ but never quite made it.” That was hard to think about. I knew I was lukewarm. I didn’t know how to not be. But I knew I was not satisfied.

I still think about this question. I often can’t believe where God has brought me. More recently I have realized that the reason I cannot recognize myself and at times doubt the changes God has made in my heart is because I have no claim to them. They are not of me. They are of the Holy Spirit and his unceasing work in my life. Praise God for the work of the Gospel.

I am not just posting this video to share where God has brought me and remember what of the deep questions he forced me to struggle through. Matthew West asks an amazing question as a part of the chorus: “What if I had given everything?” And I would LOVE for you to ponder that question for yourself. We are reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer in a class I taking for LDI. In chapter 10 he talks about how we have to evaluate if there is anything cutting us off from Jesus and ask ourselves if it is worth it or if it can be sacrificed. The more I have pondered the above question and allowed the Spirit to point out pieces of my life that keep me from him, the better I understand the importance of this sacrifice.

Especially for those of us who tend to fall into “the motions” of Christianity instead of truly pursuing Christ, what if we were willing to let go of anything in order to give Jesus everything?