Day 9: Psalm 139
“O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
20 They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!”
There’s a lot about Freyda that I haven’t figured out yet. Some of it will always be a mystery. Days like yesterday when I can’t figure out why she’s unhappy can leave me feeling discouraged over my lack of control. But my husband so kindly reminded me, I’m never in control. I can feign control but that results in bitterness or depression when it is brought to my attention that I am in fact, not. I want to look and feel like I have it all together but that leaves me feeling shattered when I’m reminded that I’m still enticed by sin and am not perfect as I want to be.
But the Lord IS in control. He knows my heart and my daughter’s heart completely. There’s no where in the known or unknown world that I can go where he is incapable of going. His knowledge of every one of us is limitless. So rather than feeling discouraged, I can a) laugh over the mystery that my daughter is and enjoy the chance to figure her out and b) be thankful for the reminder that her and I are well known by our Father.
At least someone knows what is going on! And that someone is all-powerful, completely good, and incredibly loving. Who am I? I am known by my Father.
Read other posts in this 31 day series here